Realization

So tonight I think I finally came to terms with something that sucks, but it's part of life. Someone very close to me who has been like a sister to me for a long time, has gotten to the point in her life where her big sis is no longer as important as she used to be. That big sis would be me. I have now taken my spot on the back burner, as that reserve that she knows she will always be able to count on, but is no longer a main role in her life. It hurts and it sucks, but like I said, I knew it was coming. The worst part about it is that I am no longer looked up to, but seen as someone who will be there no matter what so the way I get treated doesnt matter because I will be there regardless. I know this, and Im okay with it. She's too caught up in her own life to worry about me. Her boyfriend and other things have taken their place as front runners. Maybe one day, when she matures a bit, she will realize that those things are very important, yes, but friends and family and "sisters" are things you should always value and treat as such. But, we are all human. I went through that stage where my man was more important than anything on earth, and I didnt think about anything or anyone but him. But, I am to the point in my life where I can more or less compartmentalize the different areas of my life, so I can value everything and everyone as much as they deserve. I love and value my fiance more than anything. I love and value my family more than anything. I love and value the person I am talking about in this more than anything. All in their own compartmentalized areas, of course. To me, this has shown to be the best way to balance my priorities, and keep myself in check. And, has proven the most rewarding as far as how I am treated in return, for the most part anyway.

Ahhhh why!?

It is 0230 on a Monday night. I just had a 4 day weekend. During the whole weekend, I couldnt bring myself to do much of anything but sleep... all 4 days! Then today, I get this bug. This bug has caused me to accomplish everything I had planned on doing over the last 4 days, all on one day. It has also kept me awake to the point where I'm pretty sure it would be pointless if I tried to go to sleep now. I have to be up in about an hour and 45 minutes. I wish I knew why this happened to me every single 4 day weekend that I dont have plans. I felt absolutely useless all weekend until today, and now I feel overproductive. Wow... Well, at least I am getting the house where I want it to be for when Dezzy gets home. The main things I have left to do are organize the closet, buy some space saving devices for the closet and underneath the bed, and deep clean the carpet. There are a few other things I would like to get done, but those things are secret=] For Dezzy's knowledge only! <3 I guess I should probably add throwing out old clothes to my list of things to do. I was going through my closet today and realized that I still have stuff in there from high school.. which is sad because for one, I dont fit that stuff anymore... NEED to lose weight! And two, how gross am I to have stuff that old still hanging up!? I've got to teach myself to not be a packrat. Those shows about hoarders scare me enough that I'll definitely never get that bad. Eww... lol=] Insert random moment.. I'm watching the Food Network right now, and somehow, it never seems to have infomercials when I watch it late at night. Am I a total freak for watching the food network like all the time? Late at night? Hahahaaaa.... yes, I think so. It's interesting, what can I say? Okay, Im rambling... I guess Im going to sit here and watch food on TV and wait for it to be time to hop in the shower, and pretend like I got some kind of sleep before I go to work in a few hours. I love you Dezzy! <3

Bored...

I dont really have anything to write about tonight. Ive been so tired and fatigued all day, all weekend so far as a matter of fact. Which is not good, but whatever. I managed to get up off my ass and get some stuff done. I just want to get everything ready for my lover to get home. He will be home in a month (WOOO!!!!!) and I have a few things I'd like to get done before he gets here. I really need to find my inner motivation and start working out...again. Ive started time and time again, but something always comes up that prevents me from being able to work out for one day, then the following day I make excuses to myself as to why I cant continue. Thats BS, I know.. Im hoping that once Dezzy gets home, we will be able to get into a workout routine together, and by having him right there with me, I will be motivated to keep going. Im just so drained... no excuse I know this. Anyways, at least I can try to continue one project I start, which would be this blog. I'm sure nobody is going to read it for a long time anyway, but I can get my thoughts out and hopefully clear my mind a bit. Im not stressed out too bad, I just think this will be good for me. I take that back, Im very stressed out, but its nothing I havent dealt with before, and nothing I cant deal with again. I just miss Dezzy... once he gets home, everything will go back to normal and I wont feel like a lost puppy anymore. I love you babe<3

Thought Id try this blogging thing out...

Well, for the longest time I have wanted to start a blog. Not only to use it as a journal, but to express myself through my writing to anyone thats interested. I have so many thoughts and experiences saved in my head, I think it's only fair to share them with the world. One day, hopefully, Id like to write a book on my unique experiences. But, for now, I'll just blog=] Im still trying to figure this thing out, so bear with me. As I figure it out, the better it will look and be overall. I also think this will be a great way to keep my family and friends updated on whats going on in my life, since I live so far away from all of them. Here in about a month, when my amazing fiance gets home from Afghanistan, we will begin the adventure of trying to start our family! So, that will be an interesting thing to share with everyone=] Okay, I'm going to end this one, as it's basically just a test and semi-intro... We'll see how this goes! XOXO